The Self
Depressed people don’t have inner resources of self-esteem that help them get through trying times. We look to others to replace those resources but know that such wishes are unfair and unrealistic; consequently we are consumed by shame and guilt. We want desperately to be loved, but feel we are unlovable. We haven’t been able to determine principles and values for ourselves, nor to guide our lives by rational priorities, because we’re so guilt-ridden that every detail seems important; we can’t afford any mistakes. We can’t feel good when we accomplish a meaningful goal because all goals are the same;
making a ousy dinner iee s as li it can undo our pride about graduating from college. We need to leam how to set priorities, to take pleasure in our accomplishments, and to integrate that pride into our selves. We have to cultivate detachment, to learn patience and discrimination.
The next five chapters review how depression affects our functioning and how our altered functioning in turn reinforces depression in each of these five areas of living. By stepping back from ourselves and seeing how we do depression, we can also perhaps see how to undo it. The reader may not need any more from this book than an altered perspective. But most people with depression need more—they need specific advice about how to change, they need specific techniques, skills, or habits that they can leam to replace the self-defeating skills of depression. So I’m providing these as well. I’m going to be concerned that the depressed reader will be overwhelmed by this section, concluding, “Oh God, I have to remake myself from the ground up. I’ll never be able to do all this. I’d better just go back to bed.” What I want to say is, Relax; take it easy. You don’t have to do it all at once. You can start anywhere to undo depression. Any chapter, any suggestion, may be enough to get you started on a self-reinforcing cycle of healthy behavior. But you do have to start.